Tag: humanist weddings Scotland

Through Wind and Snow to Culcreuch Castle for Sarah and Colin

On By @humanistbrianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The 17th March 2013 was the day of the big family party to celebrate my aunt’s 80th birthday in Gatehouse of Fleet but before that I had a far more important event to attend – Sarah and Colin’s wedding. So my wife and I set off for Fintry in the sleety rain and had a lovely drive through the Stirlingshire countryside and then on to Fintry. No problems so far. Everyone was gathered at the magical Culcreuch Castle and I met up with Colin and his best man to run through the Band Warming* and the ring exchange before Sarah and the rest of the bridal party arrived.

 Sarah’s Dad piped her in and we were ready to go. The ceremony was great fun, it couldn’t fail to be when the part when I share the story of how they met began:

“So there were Colin and Ben trying to rent out this tiny, crap room in their flat and interviewing prospective flat mates. Colin had obviously lost the will to live as one after another trooped through the door. They had asked the candidates to email their application and Colin started reading their emails out in front of them. As he said in his homework, “I must have sounded like a total idiot”. One of the applicants was Sarah and she remembers the whole experience just made her cringe. A great start to a relationship.”

We had some wonderful readings, the bridesmaids cried a little, Colin’s Mum cried a little and lost her voice as she read. I announced them husband and wife and we all began to follow them out… into the snow!
When they sent me the photograph of the two of them in the snow infront of the castle I was seriously impressed because we had left by that point, having had a drink (orange juice!) to wish the happy couple well. In fact I reckon that while they were having their photograph taken my wife and I were slithering around on an untreated road crossing the Fintry Hills at 10 MPH.

Oh, and we made it all the way to Gatehouse without incident.

*A Band Warming is a lovely way to involve all your guests in your ceremony. At the beginning of the ceremony I ask the Best Man to bring the rings forward and I tie them with a ribbon. I then ask each of your guests to hold your rings for a moment or two to warm them, make a wish for your marriage and then pass them on. As I explain to everyone, “it would be great if the rings could make their way back to the front of the room for the vows. Well, better than great, necessary is the word I’m looking for.”

The Glorious Prestonfield House in December

On By @humanistbrianIn Prestonfield House HotelLeave a comment

I was asked to conduct three intimate marriages at the Prestonfield House Hotel in November and December and I must admit I think it is the perfect winter venue for a small wedding. The largest of the weddings had 12 guests and the smallest 6 and they were all held in the beautiful Leather Room with its wood and leather panelling and roaring log fire. I cannot praise the staff at the Prestonfield enough. The service is faultless from the moment you arrive and nothing is too much trouble (see my Blog about moving the ceremony outdoors).

Alan and Joan got married on the 25th November. Alan is an artist and the two of them work at the College of Art so the wedding had some style to it, to say the least. I always suggest that you should include some music as your guests wait for the arrival of the bride and Joan chose the soundtrack to the film Emilie and then entered to Song of the Siren by the Czars, what else.
They also selected a reading that was unfamiliar to me. It is from “Gift From The Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules.
The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart’s.
To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endless changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing.
Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back – it does not matter which.

Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it. 

By the time Sam and Jemma got married on the 21st December the Christmas decorations were of course on display and the Leather Room became even more enchanting. It always wonderful to bump into old friends and amongst their guests were Graeme and Jo (Sam’s sister) whom I married on the 25th November 2011 with their little one.

As revenge for the reading she made her do at her wedding Gemma asked Jo to read I Love You:

I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

Ben, the ultimate ring bearer!

What Do You Do If It Rains? Emma and Grant at the Botanic Gardens

On By @humanistbrianIn Botanic Gardens, John Muir GroveLeave a comment

I suppose one of the solutions to rain during your dream wedding is that we get wet!

It was a showery day as I travelled to the Botanic Gardens; one moment the sun was shining, the next it was chucking it down. When I arrived at the gardens I assumed that we would be going for “Plan B” and hold the ceremony in the Caledonian Hall but no, Emma had set her heart on her wedding being in the John Muir Grove and, as Grant said, it wasn’t raining that badly and it will definitely clear up for half an hour. Nearly Grant, nearly.


You can’t blame Emma, it is the most wonderful setting amongst the towering cedars, a natural arena for your perfect day. It kind of rained off and on during the ceremony and, as you can see from the photos, the team at the Botanic Gardens have umbrellas galore. Emma and her Dad arrived in a drizzle and my heart sank but it cleared and we managed the rest of the ceremony in the comparative dry (i.e. a light drizzle) until, of course, it came to signing the Wedding Schedule. At that point, as the rain really started to come down, I decided to cut our losses and moved the signing to the warmth of the marquee next to the Hall. I think I got a round of applause when I told the guests my plan.

I reflected as I drove home with my kilt and jacket quietly steaming and the car windows misting up that it would be wedding that no one there would ever forget and stories would be told for years to come.

I think bedraggled is the description I am looking for

Let’s Move The Wedding Outside – Fiona and Kris at Prestonfield House Hotel

On By @humanistbrianIn Prestonfield House HotelLeave a comment

 “Fiona’s decided that she wants her wedding to be outside. Is that Ok with you?” I looked at my watch it was 4:35 and the ceremony was due to begin at 5:00pm. “Eh, yes, I suppose, it’s not a problem for me,” I replied. 



It was a glorious summer evening, not something we have experienced in Scotland for a good few months, and the extraordinary hotel staff got to work moving the fifty or more chairs from the garden suite to the garden. And the table to sign the schedule, and the floral arrangements and two large classical pediments and the harpist. At 4:45 we were ready to go and the guests started arriving – most of them to the garden suite which confused them completely. With Arthur’s Seat and Salisbury Crags as a backdrop and beneath the shade of the enormous oak and beech trees the setting was idyllic and the ceremony matched the occasion perfectly.

Awaiting the bride’s arrival

Emma, Fiona’s Maid of Honour came forward and presented a reading, well, it was way more than a reading. She started, “When I was asked to speak today, I wanted to find the perfect quote about love.” She then took us through her considerations touching upon Wet Wet Wet, Elvis, Meatloaf, Richard Geare and ended with, of course, William Shakespeare. Very clever.

Fiona and Kris chose to exchange their declarations and their formal vows in a hand fasting ceremony. They chose to read their own declarations to one another and they were beautiful:

Signing the schedule

“Today I give myself to you in marriage.

I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, 
and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. 
I promise to love you in good times and in bad, 
when life seems easy and when it seems hard,
when our love is simple, and when it is an effort.
I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard. 
These things I give to you today, and all the days of our lives.” 

  It is one of those ceremonies that I will never forget, Fiona’s moving the ceremony, the beautiful evening, their wonderful friends and family. I was completely blown away when Fiona and Kris sent me an eCard thanking me for the ceremony:

It was an honour and a privilege to be a part of your special day guys. Thank you.

Rachael and James at the Royal College of Physicians

On By @humanistbrianIn Royal College of PhysiciansLeave a comment

 It has been raining in Scotland non-stop (or so it seems) for two months. I have had three outdoor weddings moved inside because of the weather. Last year in total I had one.

I was not looking forward to the walk up the hill to Queens Street in Edinburgh to the imposing Royal College of Physicians because, frankly, there is nothing worse than a soggy kilt hem sawing its way through the back of your knees. But it was fine, I managed to dodge the thundery showers, and arrived to the strains of the string quartet playing in the library. What a venue, just stunning and, with a lot of Rachael and James’s relatives having travelled over from Canada, it just captured the essence of Edinburgh’s New Town and the age of enlightenment.

Rachael and James asked to perform a handfasting. There are many variations on this ancient ritual using various numbers of ribbons or even ropes. A handfasting symbolises your union by joining your hands together and originally symbolised a union for a year and a day although of course in a marriage ceremony it symbolises your union for life. The most common handfasting ceremonies use either one ribbon as in this case or two ribbons that tie themselves together when you draw your hands apart.

I have the distinct feeling that Rachael influenced the choice of readings which included:

  • The Lovely Love Story from the children’s book by Edward Monkton (Thank you Flora)
  • An extract from the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams (Thank you Cate) and
  • Love by Roy Croft (Thank You Emily)

We followed the bride and groom across the road and into Queen Street Gardens (a first for me) and there, waiting for us was a Luca’s ice cream van. Result!

Marie and Kenneth at Glencorse Old Kirk

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As you can see I believe that a wedding should be a joyful occasion and that it is OK to have a laugh or two. I am pleased to see that it even amused the musicians who must have been to more than a few weddings before. I ask the couples that I am to marry to do some homework for me and to tell us how we come to be at the wedding and how they met. There is always an opportunity for a smile, or more, especially when I have been sent two separate accounts of the same story. I seem to recall that this moment was about the proposal when Kenneth pulled out an engagement ring made of pipe cleaners and proposed to Marie on a freezing cold day in Dunfermline.

Glencorse House is dramatic and romantic. I actually married them in the Old Kirk, down by the gates to the house, and it is a wonderfully atmospheric venue, an old church building with no electricity and yet full of light, even on a dreech day. I joined the guests for a glass of orange juice (I had another wedding later in the afternoon) and then went to bid my farewells to the newlyweds only to discover that the photographer had whisked them off to a secret location in the woods. I had to text my goodbye and apology to Marie the next day. She forgave me and was good enough to send a message with the photos just before they departed on their honeymoon.


“Thanks again for such a lovely ceremony – lots of people are still going on about how lovely and personal it was and how you had them all laughing, then crying at some bits”

A very, very special wedding – Little Sparta’s first wedding ceremony

On By @humanistbrianIn Little SpartaLeave a comment

 I have discovered the secret of finding the right wedding venue. Choose somewhere that means such a lot to the two of you that nothing else matters. If you want to make it really special choose a venue where no one else has ever been married. And, if you want to add that zing of excitement to whole event choose somewhere outside in Scotland in June and don’t have a back-up plan.

Guests assembled around the sunken garden

Welcome to Georgia and Dan’s wedding day at Little Sparta. Little Sparta was the home and inspiration of Ian Hamilton Finlay CBE the famous Scottish writer and artist.

It is his garden, designed and built around his extraordinary confidence as an artist and is a work of art in its own right. Have a look at the Little Sparta Trust website http://www.littlesparta.co.uk/home.htm and please arrange to visit. It is the most beautiful place.

On a nice day.

Little Sparta meant so much to Georgia and Dan that they decided that it was where they were going to get married. They had to persuade the trustees to let them hold their wedding in the garden but they agreed. It is the first and only wedding to be held at the garden and I have just heard from Georgia that they have decided to offer it as a wedding venue but I suspect that they will limit the number of guests attending.

Dan and Georgia with Annie

As I arrived, after the mile long walk from the car park, the swing quartet were tuning-up – Django Reinhardt’s version of Georgia, what else, I seem to recall – and the ushers and best man were making the final preparations. The guests arrived by coach, Dan with them and we listened to the excellent music and sipped champagne until Georgia was due to arrive. There were little kids everywhere and they were loving it.

We assembled around a small sunken garden and the ceremony got underway – very relaxed, very laid-back. It was a short ceremony because we knew that Georgia and Dan’s wonderful daughter Annie would want to be part of it all (and would get easily bored!). we had one reading, exchanged vows and rings and then, to complete the whole magical event, the quartet struck-up Love and Marriage, the Frank Sinatra classic and we all had a singsong. Brilliant!

..go together like a horse and carriage

Iain and Emma – A Glorious Day at Balbirnie House

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As I left all the guests gathered in the sunshine on a glorious afternoon in the gardens of Balbirnie House in Fife, I pondered upon how fortunate and privileged I am to be an important part of such a wonderful day. If I am honest I was also pondering about how nice it would be to have another glass of the wonderful champagne but I had to drive home.


Balbirnie House was a super venue and the staff just couldn’t do more. The wedding was quite formal, in the Hall, a long, high ceilinged room whose decor fitted perfectly with the Apollo String Quartet playing as guests arrived. I must admit Iain and Emma did it all just right and, with the help of the hotel staff, the whole ceremony went off without a hitch. Emma’s entrance to Pachelbel’s Canon in D made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and she took it slowly, in measured paces, really living the moment. Too many of my brides seem to rush this moment and, whilst I can understand your desire to get to the front before the groom faints, it is your day and your moment to savour.

A day to remember and I hear that the quartet has even forgiven me for introducing them as “The Appalling Strings”. Honest guys, it was a mistake. Aye right! A link to their site is on the right.

Do You Need A Rehearsal? – Claire and Michael’s wedding at Prestonfield House Hotel

On By @humanistbrianIn Prestonfield House HotelLeave a comment


The weather was a bit variable, light showers and blazing sunshine as we all assembled at The Prestonfield House Hotel for Claire and Michael’s big day. They had chosen a marquee in the grounds as the venue, with the reception being held in the stables about 100m away. The marquee was lovely, decorated with flowers swagged in white, the string quartet was playing in the corner as the ushers showed the guests to their seats and there was a definite buzz of excitement in the air. Claire and Michael had chosen to have a ceremony that was slightly more formal and, in order to make sure of all the details, had asked me to travel down the day before and to have a rehearsal. Which brings me to the subject of this piece – should you have a rehearsal or should you not have a rehearsal?

 
If you do not have a rehearsal I still promise that your day will be as wonderful and memorable and all that your guests will notice is that is was a relaxed and seemingly spontaneous occasion. For many of the couples I marry this is exactly as they want their wedding to be. I will arrive about 45 minutes before the beginning of the ceremony and spend that time briefing the groom about where to stand, what to do and, most importantly, how to put the ring on his bride’s finger. I am sure there must be many bemused hotel staff who have watched as the groom apparently promises to love me and to care for me as he holds my left hand and mimes putting a ring on my finger! Your best man has a key role to play in the ceremony and I must admit that I am quite tough with them, walking through where they will stand, how they will keep the rings safe and how and when to walk forward with them. I also spend time with the lucky people doing the readings, walking through with them when to come forward and where to stand (they take my place between you both). The challenge with doing the walk through on the day is that I don’t have the opportunity to work with the most important person on the day – the bride – nor can I prepare the bridesmaids nor the bride’s mother.
 

If you want your wedding to be a little more formal and to appear polished then you really must have a rehearsal. I normally take about 30 -45 minutes and spend most of the time managing the staging and blocking, like a piece of theatre. At a rehearsal we will have the opportunity to run through the Grand Entrance and to work with the bride, her father and the bridesmaids to sort out the timing and to ensure that they know their positions and how to move to them. We can fully rehearse the readings, the best man’s role, and, of course, the exit. But perhaps the most important part is the time that I can spend with the two of you, having asked everyone else to leave, reading your own personal vows or commitments to each other and exchanging your rings.
 
My own recommendation? If it is at all possible, have a rehearsal.
 
Claire was good enough to send me the following note:
 

We can’t thank you enough for being such a major part of what turned out to be the most amazing day of our lives.

All our guests commented on how fantastic you were, and all our English guests were bowled over with what a humanist ceremony entailed. They thought it was amazing at how personal it was. We even had a few guests who aren’t that struck on weddings ceremonies say it was the best service ever and had wished it was longer as they were enjoying so much!!!!

Also since the wedding I have passed your details on to other people, they’ll be very lucky like ourselves if your able to marry them.