Tag: humanist brian

To The Roman Camp with Katie and Sam

On By @humanistbrianIn Roman Camp1 Comment

A beautiful drive up to the Trossachs, still not too many caravans on the road nor tractors to raise my blood pressure so arrived relaxed and ready to go. The Roman Camp is a lovely venue, expensive I imagine, but lovely with the most amazing staff. I was greeted by Alex Graham as I arrived. He was the pianist for the ceremony and he and I had worked together before but neither of us could remember where. I found Sam and the Best Man amongst the guests in the bar and walked through the ring exchange with them. Katie and bridesmaids arrived on time.
One of the things I ask my wedding couples to do is some homework and I ask them to tell me their story and their hopes and dreams for their marriage. The thing is that I ask them to do it separately and sometimes, just sometimes the result can be hilarious. Let me illustrate from Katie and Sam’s ceremony:
” Sometimes you read someone’s homework and your heart sinks. Let me quote from the first paragraph of Katie’s homework, “We were set up on a blind date by Sam’s brother, didn’t go so well – he was a cheapskate who had no clue about wine and was very keen.”  It doesn’t get much better but let’s just find out, from Sam, what actually happened.

According to him that first date generally went very well. I hate to think what a date going badly would be like. Anyway, apparently there was a slight misunderstanding over the wine because Sam thought £14 for a bottle of house wine was expensive. Well, they had managed to get through two of them but still, so he asked Katie to go Dutch. The word cheapskate does actually spring to mind Sam.  As Sam says in his homework, with a hint of despair, “there was no second date”.”

Needless to say it all turned out right in the end. we had two readings and the second was read by Lisa, one of their friends. It is called Marriage Fulfils The Dreams And Love Two People Share by Glenda Wilm:

“Everyone searches for one special person
They can share their lives with.
The other half who makes them whole,
Like two notes blending together to make a beautiful song,
Or the colours that complement
Each other to form a rainbow.
It is everyone’s wish to have a lifetime of sunny days,
A rainbow after every storm;
A lifetime of loving and living and growing and giving,
Of sharing and caring; a lifetime of days together,
Learning from the bad times and cherishing the good times.
Marriage is everything your heart desires
And the strength, courage and determination to work for it.
In marriage you take care of each other’s heart
And hold on to what you share.
You hold it gently so it doesn’t smother
And firmly so it doesn’t slip away.
Hold it so that it can grow
And you can grow together
And live and laugh and love together always”


Not a dry eye in the room.

A Chilly Day at Dundas Castle with Marcus and Lindsey

On By @humanistbrianIn Dundas CastleLeave a comment

It was quite a cold and damp March day as I threaded my way through the road works for the new Forth crossing, skirted South Queensferry and made my way through the front entrance to Dundas Castle. Perhaps they will restore the wee road outside Newton once the new bridge is open.




I discovered Marcus and his best man with his guests in the tower relaxing (ha, ha) before the big event. We managed to grab a few moments and walked through the ring exchange just to make sure we all knew what we were doing.
At Dundas Castle the ceremony is held in the chapel atop the tower up a long, winding and uneven circular stone staircase and I seemed to spend a lot of time and energy going up and down the stairs to get updated on Lindsey’s progress.
The guests were all asked to climb the stairs to the chapel, the music played and we waited patiently. Then, in the distance, I heard the swirl of the bagpipes that heralds the bride’s entrance.
At the beginning of the ceremony Lindsey and Marcus took a moment to light a candle for everyone who could not share in the celebrations; a very touching moment. The rest of the ceremony was very simple, just as they wanted it to be and focused very much on them and their hopes and dreams for the of life together.

 

Dundas is a wonderful venue, very traditional, a true taste of Scotland and remarkably close to Edinburgh. The staff are professional and whole event is always handled with care and precision. What more could you ask for?

Just Perfect – John Muir Grove with Victoria and Gavin

On By @humanistbrianIn Botanic Gardens, John Muir GroveLeave a comment

It’s Official.
I have decided that my favourite venue in May has to be the Botanic Gardens in Edinburgh and the stunning John Muir Grove. The rhododendrons and azaleas are just coming into their own, their flowers vivid and bright and the whole place is lush with spring growth.

Even last Sunday it was beautiful. The weather was dubious, it had been very showery in the morning. Showery as in stair rods showery, and my heart fell for poor Vicki. But as I drove over the rain slowed it dried up, and as I arrived I noticed the staff carrying the chairs across the path and up the hill to the John Muir Grove. Gavin had taken an executive decision to move the wedding outside and a good call it was as well.

The guys from the Apollo Strings were there, tuning up in the marquee before making their way up to the grove and there were the usual crowds of inquisitive tourists and spectators wondering what on earth was going on with all those men in kilts hanging around, beautiful women in their fancy frocks and staff wrapping seats in white and rolling out red carpets.

The ceremony that Gavin and Vicki had written was short, simple and humorous, just exactly what was required for the day because it was a bit chilly when the sun disappeared.

 Oh, and the Apollo Strings have changed their name to Capella thereby ruining one of my best gags when I ask the “appalling strings” to play while we sign the schedule. Anyone who can come up with a good line around “Capella” gets a prize.

Through Wind and Snow to Culcreuch Castle for Sarah and Colin

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The 17th March 2013 was the day of the big family party to celebrate my aunt’s 80th birthday in Gatehouse of Fleet but before that I had a far more important event to attend – Sarah and Colin’s wedding. So my wife and I set off for Fintry in the sleety rain and had a lovely drive through the Stirlingshire countryside and then on to Fintry. No problems so far. Everyone was gathered at the magical Culcreuch Castle and I met up with Colin and his best man to run through the Band Warming* and the ring exchange before Sarah and the rest of the bridal party arrived.

 Sarah’s Dad piped her in and we were ready to go. The ceremony was great fun, it couldn’t fail to be when the part when I share the story of how they met began:

“So there were Colin and Ben trying to rent out this tiny, crap room in their flat and interviewing prospective flat mates. Colin had obviously lost the will to live as one after another trooped through the door. They had asked the candidates to email their application and Colin started reading their emails out in front of them. As he said in his homework, “I must have sounded like a total idiot”. One of the applicants was Sarah and she remembers the whole experience just made her cringe. A great start to a relationship.”

We had some wonderful readings, the bridesmaids cried a little, Colin’s Mum cried a little and lost her voice as she read. I announced them husband and wife and we all began to follow them out… into the snow!
When they sent me the photograph of the two of them in the snow infront of the castle I was seriously impressed because we had left by that point, having had a drink (orange juice!) to wish the happy couple well. In fact I reckon that while they were having their photograph taken my wife and I were slithering around on an untreated road crossing the Fintry Hills at 10 MPH.

Oh, and we made it all the way to Gatehouse without incident.

*A Band Warming is a lovely way to involve all your guests in your ceremony. At the beginning of the ceremony I ask the Best Man to bring the rings forward and I tie them with a ribbon. I then ask each of your guests to hold your rings for a moment or two to warm them, make a wish for your marriage and then pass them on. As I explain to everyone, “it would be great if the rings could make their way back to the front of the room for the vows. Well, better than great, necessary is the word I’m looking for.”

The Glorious Prestonfield House in December

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I was asked to conduct three intimate marriages at the Prestonfield House Hotel in November and December and I must admit I think it is the perfect winter venue for a small wedding. The largest of the weddings had 12 guests and the smallest 6 and they were all held in the beautiful Leather Room with its wood and leather panelling and roaring log fire. I cannot praise the staff at the Prestonfield enough. The service is faultless from the moment you arrive and nothing is too much trouble (see my Blog about moving the ceremony outdoors).

Alan and Joan got married on the 25th November. Alan is an artist and the two of them work at the College of Art so the wedding had some style to it, to say the least. I always suggest that you should include some music as your guests wait for the arrival of the bride and Joan chose the soundtrack to the film Emilie and then entered to Song of the Siren by the Czars, what else.
They also selected a reading that was unfamiliar to me. It is from “Gift From The Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules.
The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart’s.
To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endless changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing.
Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back – it does not matter which.

Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it. 

By the time Sam and Jemma got married on the 21st December the Christmas decorations were of course on display and the Leather Room became even more enchanting. It always wonderful to bump into old friends and amongst their guests were Graeme and Jo (Sam’s sister) whom I married on the 25th November 2011 with their little one.

As revenge for the reading she made her do at her wedding Gemma asked Jo to read I Love You:

I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

Ben, the ultimate ring bearer!

Rachael and James at the Royal College of Physicians

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 It has been raining in Scotland non-stop (or so it seems) for two months. I have had three outdoor weddings moved inside because of the weather. Last year in total I had one.

I was not looking forward to the walk up the hill to Queens Street in Edinburgh to the imposing Royal College of Physicians because, frankly, there is nothing worse than a soggy kilt hem sawing its way through the back of your knees. But it was fine, I managed to dodge the thundery showers, and arrived to the strains of the string quartet playing in the library. What a venue, just stunning and, with a lot of Rachael and James’s relatives having travelled over from Canada, it just captured the essence of Edinburgh’s New Town and the age of enlightenment.

Rachael and James asked to perform a handfasting. There are many variations on this ancient ritual using various numbers of ribbons or even ropes. A handfasting symbolises your union by joining your hands together and originally symbolised a union for a year and a day although of course in a marriage ceremony it symbolises your union for life. The most common handfasting ceremonies use either one ribbon as in this case or two ribbons that tie themselves together when you draw your hands apart.

I have the distinct feeling that Rachael influenced the choice of readings which included:

  • The Lovely Love Story from the children’s book by Edward Monkton (Thank you Flora)
  • An extract from the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams (Thank you Cate) and
  • Love by Roy Croft (Thank You Emily)

We followed the bride and groom across the road and into Queen Street Gardens (a first for me) and there, waiting for us was a Luca’s ice cream van. Result!

A very, very special wedding – Little Sparta’s first wedding ceremony

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 I have discovered the secret of finding the right wedding venue. Choose somewhere that means such a lot to the two of you that nothing else matters. If you want to make it really special choose a venue where no one else has ever been married. And, if you want to add that zing of excitement to whole event choose somewhere outside in Scotland in June and don’t have a back-up plan.

Guests assembled around the sunken garden

Welcome to Georgia and Dan’s wedding day at Little Sparta. Little Sparta was the home and inspiration of Ian Hamilton Finlay CBE the famous Scottish writer and artist.

It is his garden, designed and built around his extraordinary confidence as an artist and is a work of art in its own right. Have a look at the Little Sparta Trust website http://www.littlesparta.co.uk/home.htm and please arrange to visit. It is the most beautiful place.

On a nice day.

Little Sparta meant so much to Georgia and Dan that they decided that it was where they were going to get married. They had to persuade the trustees to let them hold their wedding in the garden but they agreed. It is the first and only wedding to be held at the garden and I have just heard from Georgia that they have decided to offer it as a wedding venue but I suspect that they will limit the number of guests attending.

Dan and Georgia with Annie

As I arrived, after the mile long walk from the car park, the swing quartet were tuning-up – Django Reinhardt’s version of Georgia, what else, I seem to recall – and the ushers and best man were making the final preparations. The guests arrived by coach, Dan with them and we listened to the excellent music and sipped champagne until Georgia was due to arrive. There were little kids everywhere and they were loving it.

We assembled around a small sunken garden and the ceremony got underway – very relaxed, very laid-back. It was a short ceremony because we knew that Georgia and Dan’s wonderful daughter Annie would want to be part of it all (and would get easily bored!). we had one reading, exchanged vows and rings and then, to complete the whole magical event, the quartet struck-up Love and Marriage, the Frank Sinatra classic and we all had a singsong. Brilliant!

..go together like a horse and carriage

The luckiest bride in the world – Lindsay & Gregor at the Botanic Gardens

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This is the John Muir Grove at the Edinburgh Botanic Gardens one of the most special and spectacular wedding venues in the east – as long as it doesn’t rain. The Botanic Gardens have just completed a major refurbishment of their indoor venues and the Caledonian Hall, where Lindsay and Gregor held their wedding dinner, is grand, fairly formal and perfect with all your guests around the single long table. It was rather strange to have people wandering around close to your chosen wedding situation because, of course, they don’t close the Gardens so people drift by and watch your ceremony, from a distance to be honest, generally with their mouth open because the setting is just breathtaking. The grove is formed by a stand of giant Redwood trees and surrounded by rhododendrons in bloom at this time of year and by acers that will be spectacular in the autumn.

It had been raining every day for five days before their wedding but in her texts to me Lindsay was adamant that she was having her wedding outside in the grove. “It will be fine Brian, don’t worry.” She was correct, it was sunny but not very warm if I am honest. Their ceremony was beautiful. They had hired Keith Murray a classical guitarist to play as the guests arrived and during the signing of the schedule but his principal duty was to play “Wild Mountain Thyme” as Lindsay entered. Well, not so much entered as strolled around a winding path, past all the azaleas in bloom, led by her bridesmaids. Just wonderful. Lindsay and Gregor had written their own ceremony and chosen the music and the readings and this is one I would like to share. It was read beautifully by Robin, Lindsay’s brother:


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The Promise
Eileen Rafter

The sun danced on the sea with a sparkling smile,
As two lovers sat quietly, alone for a while.
Then he turned and said, with a casual air
(Though he blushed from his chin to the tips of his hair),
“I think I might like to get married to you”

“Well then, she said, “Well there’s a thought,
But what if we can’t promise to be all that we ought,
If I’m late yet again, when we plan to go out.
For I know I can’t promise, I’ll learn to ignore
Dirty socks and damp towels strewn all over the floor.

So if we can’t vow to be all that we should
I’m not sure what to do, though the idea’s quite good”.
But he gently smiled and tilted his head
Till his lips met her ear and softly he said

“I promise, to weave my dreams into your own,
That wherever you breathe will be my hearts home.
I promise, that whether with rags or with gold I am blessed
Your smile is the jewel I will treasure the best.

Do you think then, my love, we should marry – do you?”
“Yes” she said smiling “I do”.

Iain and Emma – A Glorious Day at Balbirnie House

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As I left all the guests gathered in the sunshine on a glorious afternoon in the gardens of Balbirnie House in Fife, I pondered upon how fortunate and privileged I am to be an important part of such a wonderful day. If I am honest I was also pondering about how nice it would be to have another glass of the wonderful champagne but I had to drive home.


Balbirnie House was a super venue and the staff just couldn’t do more. The wedding was quite formal, in the Hall, a long, high ceilinged room whose decor fitted perfectly with the Apollo String Quartet playing as guests arrived. I must admit Iain and Emma did it all just right and, with the help of the hotel staff, the whole ceremony went off without a hitch. Emma’s entrance to Pachelbel’s Canon in D made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and she took it slowly, in measured paces, really living the moment. Too many of my brides seem to rush this moment and, whilst I can understand your desire to get to the front before the groom faints, it is your day and your moment to savour.

A day to remember and I hear that the quartet has even forgiven me for introducing them as “The Appalling Strings”. Honest guys, it was a mistake. Aye right! A link to their site is on the right.

Do You Need A Rehearsal? – Claire and Michael’s wedding at Prestonfield House Hotel

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The weather was a bit variable, light showers and blazing sunshine as we all assembled at The Prestonfield House Hotel for Claire and Michael’s big day. They had chosen a marquee in the grounds as the venue, with the reception being held in the stables about 100m away. The marquee was lovely, decorated with flowers swagged in white, the string quartet was playing in the corner as the ushers showed the guests to their seats and there was a definite buzz of excitement in the air. Claire and Michael had chosen to have a ceremony that was slightly more formal and, in order to make sure of all the details, had asked me to travel down the day before and to have a rehearsal. Which brings me to the subject of this piece – should you have a rehearsal or should you not have a rehearsal?

 
If you do not have a rehearsal I still promise that your day will be as wonderful and memorable and all that your guests will notice is that is was a relaxed and seemingly spontaneous occasion. For many of the couples I marry this is exactly as they want their wedding to be. I will arrive about 45 minutes before the beginning of the ceremony and spend that time briefing the groom about where to stand, what to do and, most importantly, how to put the ring on his bride’s finger. I am sure there must be many bemused hotel staff who have watched as the groom apparently promises to love me and to care for me as he holds my left hand and mimes putting a ring on my finger! Your best man has a key role to play in the ceremony and I must admit that I am quite tough with them, walking through where they will stand, how they will keep the rings safe and how and when to walk forward with them. I also spend time with the lucky people doing the readings, walking through with them when to come forward and where to stand (they take my place between you both). The challenge with doing the walk through on the day is that I don’t have the opportunity to work with the most important person on the day – the bride – nor can I prepare the bridesmaids nor the bride’s mother.
 

If you want your wedding to be a little more formal and to appear polished then you really must have a rehearsal. I normally take about 30 -45 minutes and spend most of the time managing the staging and blocking, like a piece of theatre. At a rehearsal we will have the opportunity to run through the Grand Entrance and to work with the bride, her father and the bridesmaids to sort out the timing and to ensure that they know their positions and how to move to them. We can fully rehearse the readings, the best man’s role, and, of course, the exit. But perhaps the most important part is the time that I can spend with the two of you, having asked everyone else to leave, reading your own personal vows or commitments to each other and exchanging your rings.
 
My own recommendation? If it is at all possible, have a rehearsal.
 
Claire was good enough to send me the following note:
 

We can’t thank you enough for being such a major part of what turned out to be the most amazing day of our lives.

All our guests commented on how fantastic you were, and all our English guests were bowled over with what a humanist ceremony entailed. They thought it was amazing at how personal it was. We even had a few guests who aren’t that struck on weddings ceremonies say it was the best service ever and had wished it was longer as they were enjoying so much!!!!

Also since the wedding I have passed your details on to other people, they’ll be very lucky like ourselves if your able to marry them.