Author: @humanistbrian

Humanist, traveller, off times great Dad and sometime golfer.

A very, very special wedding – Little Sparta’s first wedding ceremony

On By @humanistbrianIn Little SpartaLeave a comment

 I have discovered the secret of finding the right wedding venue. Choose somewhere that means such a lot to the two of you that nothing else matters. If you want to make it really special choose a venue where no one else has ever been married. And, if you want to add that zing of excitement to whole event choose somewhere outside in Scotland in June and don’t have a back-up plan.

Guests assembled around the sunken garden

Welcome to Georgia and Dan’s wedding day at Little Sparta. Little Sparta was the home and inspiration of Ian Hamilton Finlay CBE the famous Scottish writer and artist.

It is his garden, designed and built around his extraordinary confidence as an artist and is a work of art in its own right. Have a look at the Little Sparta Trust website http://www.littlesparta.co.uk/home.htm and please arrange to visit. It is the most beautiful place.

On a nice day.

Little Sparta meant so much to Georgia and Dan that they decided that it was where they were going to get married. They had to persuade the trustees to let them hold their wedding in the garden but they agreed. It is the first and only wedding to be held at the garden and I have just heard from Georgia that they have decided to offer it as a wedding venue but I suspect that they will limit the number of guests attending.

Dan and Georgia with Annie

As I arrived, after the mile long walk from the car park, the swing quartet were tuning-up – Django Reinhardt’s version of Georgia, what else, I seem to recall – and the ushers and best man were making the final preparations. The guests arrived by coach, Dan with them and we listened to the excellent music and sipped champagne until Georgia was due to arrive. There were little kids everywhere and they were loving it.

We assembled around a small sunken garden and the ceremony got underway – very relaxed, very laid-back. It was a short ceremony because we knew that Georgia and Dan’s wonderful daughter Annie would want to be part of it all (and would get easily bored!). we had one reading, exchanged vows and rings and then, to complete the whole magical event, the quartet struck-up Love and Marriage, the Frank Sinatra classic and we all had a singsong. Brilliant!

..go together like a horse and carriage

The luckiest bride in the world – Lindsay & Gregor at the Botanic Gardens

On By @humanistbrianIn Botanic Gardens, John Muir GroveLeave a comment

This is the John Muir Grove at the Edinburgh Botanic Gardens one of the most special and spectacular wedding venues in the east – as long as it doesn’t rain. The Botanic Gardens have just completed a major refurbishment of their indoor venues and the Caledonian Hall, where Lindsay and Gregor held their wedding dinner, is grand, fairly formal and perfect with all your guests around the single long table. It was rather strange to have people wandering around close to your chosen wedding situation because, of course, they don’t close the Gardens so people drift by and watch your ceremony, from a distance to be honest, generally with their mouth open because the setting is just breathtaking. The grove is formed by a stand of giant Redwood trees and surrounded by rhododendrons in bloom at this time of year and by acers that will be spectacular in the autumn.

It had been raining every day for five days before their wedding but in her texts to me Lindsay was adamant that she was having her wedding outside in the grove. “It will be fine Brian, don’t worry.” She was correct, it was sunny but not very warm if I am honest. Their ceremony was beautiful. They had hired Keith Murray a classical guitarist to play as the guests arrived and during the signing of the schedule but his principal duty was to play “Wild Mountain Thyme” as Lindsay entered. Well, not so much entered as strolled around a winding path, past all the azaleas in bloom, led by her bridesmaids. Just wonderful. Lindsay and Gregor had written their own ceremony and chosen the music and the readings and this is one I would like to share. It was read beautifully by Robin, Lindsay’s brother:


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The Promise
Eileen Rafter

The sun danced on the sea with a sparkling smile,
As two lovers sat quietly, alone for a while.
Then he turned and said, with a casual air
(Though he blushed from his chin to the tips of his hair),
“I think I might like to get married to you”

“Well then, she said, “Well there’s a thought,
But what if we can’t promise to be all that we ought,
If I’m late yet again, when we plan to go out.
For I know I can’t promise, I’ll learn to ignore
Dirty socks and damp towels strewn all over the floor.

So if we can’t vow to be all that we should
I’m not sure what to do, though the idea’s quite good”.
But he gently smiled and tilted his head
Till his lips met her ear and softly he said

“I promise, to weave my dreams into your own,
That wherever you breathe will be my hearts home.
I promise, that whether with rags or with gold I am blessed
Your smile is the jewel I will treasure the best.

Do you think then, my love, we should marry – do you?”
“Yes” she said smiling “I do”.

Insane, but beautifully insane – Alaina at Linlithgow Palace

On By @humanistbrianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

 The snow and ice had melted in the midst of the coldest winter on record when the day came for Alaina to arrive for her wedding at Linlithgow Palace – on horseback. It was the 2nd of March 2010 when I first met Alaina and David to talk about their wedding. “So,” I asked casually. “have you got anything special planned yet for the big day?” “Yes, I’m arriving on horseback.” Alaina replied. “On the 25th January? On horseback?” I think was my stunned reply.

Alaina arriving at the Burgh Halls
another excellent Linlithgow venue

But on the day it all went well. Alaina made her entrance and brought the traffic on Linlithgow High Street to a stop, and then the piper brought her up the street to the Palace. I know she had to quickly change when she dismounted but I didn’t inquire as to whether she had her long johns on under her beautiful dress – there was a bitter wind blowing.

The wedding was held in the undercroft, a lovely, intimate room perfect for a wedding with 50 or 60 guests and, as you can see, the photo opportunities in the Palace are just amazing. David and Alaina’s wedding ceremony was as unique as was the day and the story of how they first met was particularly amusing – so tears and laughter flowed in equal measure. Just as a wedding ceremony should be, or so I believe.

Iain and Emma – A Glorious Day at Balbirnie House

On By @humanistbrianIn Balbirnie HouseLeave a comment


As I left all the guests gathered in the sunshine on a glorious afternoon in the gardens of Balbirnie House in Fife, I pondered upon how fortunate and privileged I am to be an important part of such a wonderful day. If I am honest I was also pondering about how nice it would be to have another glass of the wonderful champagne but I had to drive home.


Balbirnie House was a super venue and the staff just couldn’t do more. The wedding was quite formal, in the Hall, a long, high ceilinged room whose decor fitted perfectly with the Apollo String Quartet playing as guests arrived. I must admit Iain and Emma did it all just right and, with the help of the hotel staff, the whole ceremony went off without a hitch. Emma’s entrance to Pachelbel’s Canon in D made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and she took it slowly, in measured paces, really living the moment. Too many of my brides seem to rush this moment and, whilst I can understand your desire to get to the front before the groom faints, it is your day and your moment to savour.

A day to remember and I hear that the quartet has even forgiven me for introducing them as “The Appalling Strings”. Honest guys, it was a mistake. Aye right! A link to their site is on the right.

Do You Need A Rehearsal? – Claire and Michael’s wedding at Prestonfield House Hotel

On By @humanistbrianIn Prestonfield House HotelLeave a comment


The weather was a bit variable, light showers and blazing sunshine as we all assembled at The Prestonfield House Hotel for Claire and Michael’s big day. They had chosen a marquee in the grounds as the venue, with the reception being held in the stables about 100m away. The marquee was lovely, decorated with flowers swagged in white, the string quartet was playing in the corner as the ushers showed the guests to their seats and there was a definite buzz of excitement in the air. Claire and Michael had chosen to have a ceremony that was slightly more formal and, in order to make sure of all the details, had asked me to travel down the day before and to have a rehearsal. Which brings me to the subject of this piece – should you have a rehearsal or should you not have a rehearsal?

 
If you do not have a rehearsal I still promise that your day will be as wonderful and memorable and all that your guests will notice is that is was a relaxed and seemingly spontaneous occasion. For many of the couples I marry this is exactly as they want their wedding to be. I will arrive about 45 minutes before the beginning of the ceremony and spend that time briefing the groom about where to stand, what to do and, most importantly, how to put the ring on his bride’s finger. I am sure there must be many bemused hotel staff who have watched as the groom apparently promises to love me and to care for me as he holds my left hand and mimes putting a ring on my finger! Your best man has a key role to play in the ceremony and I must admit that I am quite tough with them, walking through where they will stand, how they will keep the rings safe and how and when to walk forward with them. I also spend time with the lucky people doing the readings, walking through with them when to come forward and where to stand (they take my place between you both). The challenge with doing the walk through on the day is that I don’t have the opportunity to work with the most important person on the day – the bride – nor can I prepare the bridesmaids nor the bride’s mother.
 

If you want your wedding to be a little more formal and to appear polished then you really must have a rehearsal. I normally take about 30 -45 minutes and spend most of the time managing the staging and blocking, like a piece of theatre. At a rehearsal we will have the opportunity to run through the Grand Entrance and to work with the bride, her father and the bridesmaids to sort out the timing and to ensure that they know their positions and how to move to them. We can fully rehearse the readings, the best man’s role, and, of course, the exit. But perhaps the most important part is the time that I can spend with the two of you, having asked everyone else to leave, reading your own personal vows or commitments to each other and exchanging your rings.
 
My own recommendation? If it is at all possible, have a rehearsal.
 
Claire was good enough to send me the following note:
 

We can’t thank you enough for being such a major part of what turned out to be the most amazing day of our lives.

All our guests commented on how fantastic you were, and all our English guests were bowled over with what a humanist ceremony entailed. They thought it was amazing at how personal it was. We even had a few guests who aren’t that struck on weddings ceremonies say it was the best service ever and had wished it was longer as they were enjoying so much!!!!

Also since the wedding I have passed your details on to other people, they’ll be very lucky like ourselves if your able to marry them.

My First Wedding

On By @humanistbrianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The training to become an authorized celebrant is extensive and covers not only the legal aspects and obligations of the role but also how to design the ceremony and the variety of rituals, vows, pledges that other, more experienced Celebrants have used in the five years we have been delivering legal weddings. I still vividly remember the stories of the outdoor weddings in howling gales and one in six inches of snow. But, on the day of my first wedding and a Registered Celebrant, it was the discussion about children at weddings that came back to me most powerfully.

John and Zoe Scally, as they now are, were to be married in the Clubhouse of the Prestonfield Golf Course on the 1st May 2010. I met John and Zoe and their three year-old son Zac and worked with them to design the ceremony they wanted on their special day. Being my first wedding I thought it wise to be as prepared as possible so I visited the Prestonfield Golf Club and it was amazing, with panoramic views over Arthur’s Seat and the eighteenth green sitting beneath. Being midweek during February the clubhouse was, of course, very quiet.

The day arrived and I got to the venue early but not before half of the guests who were already enjoying themselves at the bar, arranging tables, and, as far as I could ascertain, running a crèche. As promised they had closed the partition to separate the bar but behind that partition were, what sounded like, a hundred golfers all shouting at the top of their voices over a television showing the Hearts game. We got ourselves organised, I managed to calm John down, eventually tracked down the two of their elder children who were going to do the readings and found the one who was bearing the rings. Zoe entered and the place went wild, everyone on their feet, cameras flashing and then Hearts scored in the bar next door. I gestured wildly to the bar staff who managed to quieten things down, got some semblance of order in my half of the clubhouse and the ceremony started. Fortunately, in my other life, I am a management trainer and, in the early part of my career, I was voice coached by an actor so I know how to project my voice. I needed every ounce of that training, Cicero in the Forum would have been impressed.

We got the heart of the ceremony when the bride and groom make their declarations with many tears flowing and a few good laughs as well. Then came the crowning moment. As, for the first time as an authored Celebrant, I was making my first legal declaration, “As you have now both made a solemn and binding contract and by virtue of these declarations, made in my presence…” young Zac bolted forward from nowhere, grabbed his Mum’s wedding dress and shouted, at the top of his voice “Are you a Scally now?”